Is my Lord, in whom I hope, cruel to me?

“I cry out to You for help, but You do not answer me;
I stand up, and You turn Your attention against me. You have become cruel to me;
with the might of Your hand, You persecute me (Job 30:20-21)”.

I love the Bible for many reasons. One of those reasons is the honesty that you see in it. This is not a book of fairy tales, where everything goes well, and the characters are Hollywood’s heroes without moral flaws. This honesty in the Bible confirms to me that this book is breathed out by God; it cannot be a man-made book since we, sinners, tend to obscure our sinful tendencies when we write stories. This biblical honesty is not only seen in the bad personages, but also in the godly and faithful ones. The above verses are an example of it. Job, in his suffering, is ascribing cruelty to the good God he trusted in. Any superficial knowledge of Job’s story will yield the wrong conclusion of why this man said these things about His God; on the other hand, a deep reading and understanding of the intense and painful situation Job found himself gives a sense of fellowship with his words. After all, losing his 10 children and all his hard-earned possessions, and receiving an excruciating skin disease, plus all the mental anxiety and emotional stress that he experienced, compounded by isolation from his relatives and being accused of wrong doing was not an easy portion that God appointed for him. I utterly familiarize myself with Job, his situation and his words, saying that God was cruel to him because I have been and am in his shoes, as it were.

A simple look around our world now and some knowledge of history tells us that this life is violent. From natural disasters, wars and the unexpectancy of death, no one can deny that life feels cruel. Since Job knew that God Almighty controlled this life and everything that happens on this little planet, he couldn’t help but credit God with this cruelty (Isaiah 45:7). I do also feel the same way. It’s not that I’m ignorant of all the other doctrines in the Bible, ranging from the effects of sin and the Fall, the power, presence and activity of the satan and his demons, and the evil works of humanity that cause this life to feel cruel at times. I don’t think Job was ignorant of all that either. Despite these doctrines, the sovereignty of God is the true cause for this life to be cruel, and Job knew that. That’s why he never prayed to demons or humans, but to God who alone had the power, will and wisdom to answer all his questions and to deliver him from his miseries.

I also believe that this line of questioning is a sign of spiritual maturity. Job was not a novice believer, and yet he prayed to God that He was being cruel. This is not a capricious complaint because life is not going the way it was envisioned. This is a godly and normal response to intense pain, extreme neediness and desperation for deliverance and the seemly inactivity or indifference from the God, whom one trusts. This is pretty heartbreaking. It’s no wonder Job uttered these words. It’s no wonder we have a Psalm 22, which begins with a sense of abandonment by God because of the evil and pressing circumstances. My Messiah Himself fulfilled this Psalm as He was bearing my sins on the tree.

Do I believe that my Lord and my God is cruel to me in the sense we, sinful men, are cruel to each other? Of course, not. I have Romans 8 and the rest of the Bible assuring me that my Savior, who died and rose again for me, loves me and the Father also loves me with everlasting agape-love-, that no creature is powerful enough to separate me from. I know that one day when I am His presence, blameless and full of joy (James 1:24), I will realize that my miseries pale in comparison to His glories. However, now that I am still here, I cannot help but think that He is being cruel to me. The pain in all its dimensions has intensified; I feel more lonely and unimportant than ever. Not only have I not reached the place I planned or accomplished the things I hoped for, but also I am dispossessed of blessings I received from His good hand. Like David, I cannot but wonder why it feels like my God has forsaken me, despite the veracity of His Word (Hebrews 13:5). Like Gideon, I cannot but question “O my Lord, if the LORD is with [me], why then has all this happened …? And where are all His miracles… ” (Judges 6:13 NASB). Indeed, the words of my Lord are true. The way that leads to eternal, abundant life is full of oppressions, afflictions and distresses, and just a few souls find it, walk on it and reach its final destination (Matthew 7:14).

Am I desperate for the blessings and deliverance of my God? Absolutely! Do I hear, feel and see the temptations to reject my Lord and apostatize the faith? For sure! Am I strong enough to keep warring the good fight? Woe is me if my Master and His Spirit would not be interceding for me, so I can receive the promise! I feel like so many godly men before me, weak, hurt, alone and carrying the sufferings of Jesus. My hope, desire and prayer is that since I am being identified with the dying of my Savior, one day I will experience His resurrection, glories and joys (2 Corinthians 4:10).

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